Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
