I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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