I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
