i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
