"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
