I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
