i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
