I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
