Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
its not stalking. its research.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
