I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think my moral compass just broke
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