How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
