apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
