People with herpes should wear stickers.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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