you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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