you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
