dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
