my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
