will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
