my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
