What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
