I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
