shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
