After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
