Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
