first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
