Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
