the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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