i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
