im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
