so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
