If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
