after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
