The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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