I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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