Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
