so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
