I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
