I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just blew my weed a kiss
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
