best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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