there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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