Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
