I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Enjoy the penises
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
