She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it's great music for shaving your balls
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
