Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I still have a little drunk in my system
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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