but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
