Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
