Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
