well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
