He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
