I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
