Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
