My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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