I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
