i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
